The Federal Egg Answering Room

$Lists like this are sweet, until you read them… 5. Do please make sure she can breathe. 8. No. She may have to destroy you. 11. WHOA THERE, Cowboy! Double-check first. 14. Nothing really intrinsically wrong here, just bad grammar. 16. NO. NO NO NO. That is not only irritating, it qualifies as harassment. 18. Leave that poor tree alone! Do you want it to be teased by all the other trees? 19. Actually, she might appreciate it more if you listened to her and then tried to work out the problem instead of just grabbing her and planting one on her. 27. …NO. Give her some frackin’ space, will ya? 29. No, don’t let her win all the time! If you win, give her tips to hone her technique. Letting her win will not make her a warrior! (…That one might be just me, actually.) Also, list-writer, it’s ok to say “boyfriend” instead of “someone special.” This is Tumblr, we can handle it. Guys, do not read this like a goldfish because a) goldfish can’t read anyway and b) not every girl (or guy) responds well to these things. As a replacement for all of these things, I would say, get to know what your significant other likes and do it. Don’t take things like this too seriously.$

Lists like this are sweet, until you read them…

5. Do please make sure she can breathe.

8. No. She may have to destroy you.

11. WHOA THERE, Cowboy! Double-check first.

14. Nothing really intrinsically wrong here, just bad grammar.

16. NO. NO NO NO. That is not only irritating, it qualifies as harassment.

18. Leave that poor tree alone! Do you want it to be teased by all the other trees?

19. Actually, she might appreciate it more if you listened to her and then tried to work out the problem instead of just grabbing her and planting one on her.

27. …NO. Give her some frackin’ space, will ya?

29. No, don’t let her win all the time! If you win, give her tips to hone her technique. Letting her win will not make her a warrior! (…That one might be just me, actually.)

Also, list-writer, it’s ok to say “boyfriend” instead of “someone special.” This is Tumblr, we can handle it.

Guys, do not read this like a goldfish because a) goldfish can’t read anyway and b) not every girl (or guy) responds well to these things. As a replacement for all of these things, I would say, get to know what your significant other likes and do it. Don’t take things like this too seriously.