Anonymous asked: Of the six questions you've answered in the most recent two pages of your blog, five are from me. Does this mean I'm special, or that you don't get asked many questions?
Both.
C’est la vie.
Anonymous asked: Allie's back!! Are you as excited as I?
Everybody should go read Allie’s blog, it’s a beautiful thing
(I myself will be back when I’m done with finals)
(Hopefully)
This is an assignment I did for my Journalism class. It got an A, so if you don’t like it, there’s something wrong with you.
I live in a Wellness dorm. I thought that “Wellness” just meant drug- and alcohol-free, which is good for me, because both of those things make me uncomfortable. However, since living there, I have learned two things: a) “Wellness” entails more than a drug and alcohol ban, and b) everyone there is better at being well than me.
Take food, for example. As I used to understand it, the typical college do-it-yourself meal consists of some sort of microwaveable dinner, such as ramen noodles (a classic favorite), and Cheetos. Not in Wellness. In Wellness, you eat things that keep you well, like fresh salads and baked sweet potatoes and frittatas (whatever that is). I, meanwhile, subsist on a steady diet of spaghetti, cheese bagels, and Easy-Mac. You know – processed foods. It’s a bit awkward, standing at the microwave, waiting for your macaroni to cook all the way through, while a few feet away there is a girl sautéing mushrooms. At least I think it was sautéing. What is sautéing anyway? Do you just put things in a pan and push them around? Or is that frying? I should ask her next time. Maybe she won’t judge me for my consumption of artificial food if I at least convey interest in her meal preparation.
People do laundry differently here, too. There are both washers and dryers available, but a lot of people choose to hang their clothes outside on a line rather than put them in the dryer. I suppose it saves energy, but don’t they worry that it will rain? Or that they’ll put their clothes out and then forget to take them back in for a while? Those are high-level concerns that I would have. Also, there’s a species of fly that lays its eggs in hanging laundry, and then when you take the clothes off the line and wear them, the eggs hatch and the maggots burrow into the skin and feed on you. (Ok, so they live in Africa, but what if they migrate?)
Another educational experience has been getting up in the mornings. I am not a morning person, which I used to think was pretty par for the course for my age group. I discovered that I was mistaken one morning when I stumbled into the kitchen, barely conscious, to make my coffee (my instant coffee). As I fumbled around for my mug, I heard, in my half-coma state, a bright “Good morning!”
I turned around and saw a very awake guy sitting at the counter with textbooks and notes out in front of him. He was studying at 6:30 in the morning.
Studying.
At 6:30 in the morning.
There’s a bit in the animated Hunchback of Notre Dame when Frollo, in reaction to a magic trick done by Esmeralda, recoils dramatically and hisses “Witchcraft!” That was more or less how I felt at that moment. Back in my room, I wondered if Very Awake Guy was a morning person or a dark wizard. Maybe both. Maybe all morning people are dark wizards. These are the kinds of deep questions that this dorm makes me ask.
The Wellness lifestyle is apparently a wholesome and healthy one. Theoretically, it sounds like a good idea, and I am pretty impressed with people who can commit to it. That being said, I like drying my clothes in a machine. I like sleeping. I like the cheesy goodness of Easy-Mac (even though I know it’s probably not real cheese). These are reliable and consistent aspects of my life that I hang on to. Maybe one day I’ll join the Wellness revolution, but right now I don’t have time – I have sleeping to do.
Anonymous asked: Tell me a storrrrryyyy.
Sorry it’s taken a while to get back to you, anon. I just wanted to make sure I had crafted the perfect story for you.
Unfortunately, that didn’t work out, so I’m just going to tell you about a photograph in our living room. It’s one of me in kindergarten. I’m wearing an adorable little green checked sundress and smiling like a darling little angel as I briefly look up from my coloring. It’s a photo that lots of people coo over.
Little do they all know - I had no panties on.
Seriously, I distinctly remember not wearing panties that day that photograph was taken. And no one ever found out. In fact, I’ve never told anyone until now. I will always be very proud of this. I consider it one of my great achievements in life. There’s something subversive about it, you know? Even at five years old, I was finding ways to stick it to the man.
(Mostly though, I just hated wearing panties.)
I’ve been sitting here trying to understand why some people support captivity. I’ve really been trying to see their perspective and understand why they think what they do, but I just can’t.
Who really thinks it’s a good idea to imprison an apex predator that weighs thousands of pounds in a box just so they can perform tricks? Like why would anybody at all think that is a good idea?
Why on earth would someone claim to love orcas and then support they industry that bombed and killed the southern resident orcas?
It really doesn’t make much sense, sticking a massive animal like an orca in a box and expecting it to be healthy and be happy.
Humans can’t replicate an orca’s normal environment, so why would you expect it to act normal?
Literally, captivity is just illogical.
To me, what it all comes down to is this:
YOU ARE KEEPING A WHALE IN A SWIMMING POOL.
A SWIMMING POOL FOR SHIT’S SAKE.
IT’S LIKE THAT MOVIE WHERE SOME KIDS RESCUE A SEA LION FROM THE ZOO AND HAVE TO KEEP IN IT THEIR SCHOOL PRINCIPAL’S HOT TUB. THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE DOING, EXCEPT YOU ARE DOING IT WITH A GODDAMN WHALE.
A WHALE, YOU SEE, IS A RATHER LARGE ANIMAL. IT THEREFORE NEEDS A RATHER LARGE SPACE IN WHICH TO SWIM ABOUT. THIS IS BASIC BIOLOGY. YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO BE A BIOLOGIST TO KNOW THIS. CAVEMEN PROBABLY NOTED THE SIZE OF MASTODONS AND REASONABLY CONCLUDED THAT THEY COULD NOT COMFORTABLY FIT A MASTODON IN A CAVE.
THESE REASONING SKILLS HAVE APPARENTLY NOT SURVIVED IN YOU.
IS IT HUMANLY POSSIBLE TO BUILD A SPACE BIG ENOUGH TO KEEP A WHALE IN? NO. NO IT IS NOT. EVEN IF YOU DUG UP THE ENTIRETY OF FLORIDA, IT STILL WOULD NOT DO.
THE OCEAN, HOWEVER, IS QUITE BIG. IT IS VERY BIG INDEED, AND A MORE THAN ADEQUATE SPACE FOR AN ANIMAL SUCH AS THE WHALE. IN FACT, IT IS BIG ENOUGH TO COMFORTABLY HOUSE MANY WHALES. THAT IS VERY LIKELY WHY THEY LIVE THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND NOW, PRO-CAPS? DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHY WHALE CAPTIVITY IS AN INHERENTLY SILLY IDEA?
IF NOT, PLEASE BEAT A BLUNT INSTRUMENT AGAINST YOUR ASS UNTIL YOU HAVE SUCCESSFULLY DISLODGED YOUR BRAIN FROM IT.
I MUST NOW GO AND GET A GLASS OF WATER, BECAUSE MY THROAT IS SORE FROM YELLING AT YOU. THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT.
[video]
The hippocampus is the part of your brain that controls memory and spatial navigation. It’s also an ancient Greek mythical creature that looks like a horse with a fish tail.
This is a hippocampus.
This is also a hippocampus.
I gotta say, I’m not entirely sure what’s going on here. All I know is that some scientist opened up a brain and thought to himself, “That’s an interesting little brain section there. I’m going to name it after a sea monster.”
Science is weird.
It’s called a hippocampus because it was always referred to as looking like a seahorse. The word hippocampus means “sea horse” in Latin.
That mythical creature is a literal sea-horse.
The hippocampus is the part of your brain that controls memory and spatial navigation. It’s also an ancient Greek mythical creature that looks like a horse with a fish tail.
This is a hippocampus.
This is also a hippocampus.
I gotta say, I’m not entirely sure what’s going on here. All I know is that some scientist opened up a brain and thought to himself, “That’s an interesting little brain section there. I’m going to name it after a sea monster.”
Science is weird.
(Source: fefetaface, via flusteredhobbit)