Well, gee, no wonder I’m terrible at making friends. I’m uncomfortable with people grabbing my tits.
Lists like this are sweet, until you read them…
5. Do please make sure she can breathe.
8. No. She may have to destroy you.
11. WHOA THERE, Cowboy! Double-check first.
14. Nothing really intrinsically wrong here, just bad grammar.
16. NO. NO NO NO. That is not only irritating, it qualifies as harassment.
18. Leave that poor tree alone! Do you want it to be teased by all the other trees?
19. Actually, she might appreciate it more if you listened to her and then tried to work out the problem instead of just grabbing her and planting one on her.
27. …NO. Give her some frackin’ space, will ya?
29. No, don’t let her win all the time! If you win, give her tips to hone her technique. Letting her win will not make her a warrior! (…That one might be just me, actually.)
Also, list-writer, it’s ok to say “boyfriend” instead of “someone special.” This is Tumblr, we can handle it.
Guys, do not read this like a goldfish because a) goldfish can’t read anyway and b) not every girl (or guy) responds well to these things. As a replacement for all of these things, I would say, get to know what your significant other likes and do it. Don’t take things like this too seriously.
An apology.
I know I haven’t done an original post in awhile. The truth is, I don’t feel funny anymore.
It also occurs to me that I was never funny in the first place - just a nuisance trying for attention.
I’ve mostly been dealing with my depression with humor, but that’s gone now. Everything is gone now. My humor, intellect and work ethic is all failing me. Without those things, I am superfluous.
I can’t think of anything else to do but just go away so I won’t bother anyone.
“i hate animals being killed but i just cant stop eating bacon”
“I loveeeeeeee chicken”
“I can’t live without cheese”
“I buy free range eggs so I am doing my part”
“we were meant to eat meat”
“Fuck off and go vegan you dick heads”
This is horrifying, I won’t lie. However, everyone has a different body chemistry, and there are people like me for whom beans simply will not suffice for proper protein levels. For those people, here is a list of companies who are humane certified:
http://www.certifiedhumane.org/index.php?page=producers-products - please support these businesses, because a lot of them are falling to Big Agro. Let’s not let that happen!
If you don’t believe that there are such things as humane meat companies, there is a lady called Temple Grandin who you should look up. It’s because of her that McDonald’s and Burger King have really been cracking down on enforcing slaughterhouse ethics.
Also, I can proudly say that all the meat in our college cafeteria comes from our own animals that we keep on our beautiful farm. http://www.warren-wilson.edu/~farm/
Remember - be carnivorous with care! :)
Sometimes I think that if the whole rock star thing falls through Amanda Palmer would make a fine photographer. This is me and my daughter Maddy two nights ago, in Greensboro NC, on Wake Forest college visit, taken on Amanda’s phone.
View more Neil Gaiman on WhoSay
NEIL GAIMAN WAS AN HOUR AWAY FROM ME TWO NIGHTS AGO. THIS IS CRAY.
Hey Pottermore people.
This keeps happening to me:
Me: OMFG I’m gonna register for Pottermore FINALLY!!!!
Pottermore: Ok, step 1 - when’s your birthday?
Me: *obediently selects birthday*
Pottermore: step 2 - where do you live?
Me: *super-obediently selects country, first making sure the language is right* Ok, should be step 3 next.
Pottermore: Nope. step 1 again.
Me: Uh…*repeats whole process, being doubly careful I don’t fuck anything up, although this really is not something that is easy to fuck up multiple times*
Pottermore: Step 1.
Me:……..
*10 retries later*
Pottermore: Step 1.
Me: I WILL CRUCIO YOU IN THE ASS.
Can anybody tell me what the icy sandwich balls is going on?
I saw the picture of you at the Birmingham Civil Rights Institute today. Your family is very beautiful.
Aw, thank you! I’ll tell them you said so. :)
I can handle the truth but there’s no need for you to be a complete and total bitch about it, even your other friends agree with me. You went about this the wrong way, I hope you enjoy not having me as a friend anymore, I hope your life is just so much easier because I’m not around anymore. At least I can say that I still have great and close friends out of this, what do you have? You’ve lost a lot of people’s trust because of what you’ve said. Hope you enjoy your “stress free” life now I know I’ll enjoy not being mothered by you anymore.
Ok, enough. Seriously. This is ridiculous. I’m not sure exactly what went on or what was said, but whatever happened, you are acting like a twelve-year-old. Throughout your life, you are going to encounter people who will tell it like it is, and yes, you will be hurt, but you need to learn to deal with it in a healthier way than this. A friend is someone who is willing to tell you if they have a problem so you can talk it out and compromise, not someone who agrees with you and indulges you all the time. She was not pushing you away - you are the one doing the pushing here. If you are truly upset, you need to be an adult, don your armor, and work it out. If the relationship is still ended afterwards, at least be comforted with the knowledge that it ended maturely.
Now, if I see any more of these snarky online comments, I am going knock both of your heads together.
Reblog if you think the next disney prince should be GAY.
4 million and counting
5 million
Ok, guys, I got this.
Prince Julian is heir to the throne, and he’s all handsome and princely and great in battle and everyone loves him and yadda yadda yadda. Then, at a state ball one night, he surprises everyone by announcing that he is engaged to be married - to one of his generals. He thinks that this will be ok because he is so popular with the people, but he turns out to be very, very wrong. The general is executed and Julian is banished from the kingdom. His younger brother (who is EBIL) becomes heir instead. Julian spends some years in exile with - I was going to say a band of ruthless outlaws, but since this is a Disney movie, let’s say a community of sentient, talking bears. Eventually, Julian learns that his younger brother has become king, and he decides to go back to the capital for a day just to see how things are going. He discovers that everything has gone absolutely tits up and the new king is an evil tyrant. So Julian gathers an army of bears and goes to take back his rightful place. The pivotal moment comes when the king appears to be beaten, and he and Julian are facing off in the town square, with all the people watching:
Julian’s brother [who’s all wily and “silver-tongued”]: Well, my subjects, my brother appears to have conquered me through strength of arms…but perhaps more important than strength of arms is strength of heart. I therefore have no choice but to leave it to you: would you rather have a king who bares himself before you and speaks no lies, or a king who cloaks his sick depravities [points to Julian] beneath an exterior of goodness and valor? Choose wisely.
Needless to say, he nearly shits a brick when everyone (including his queen) chooses Julian. Julian becomes king and his brother is run out of town. Julian’s first act as king is to hold a state funeral for his deceased fiancée. And then he immediately sets about pardoning wrongfully imprisoned people and giving people back stuff his brother took and reforming human rights laws and all that stuff, and then everyone lives happily ever after. After the credits, there should be a short clip featuring Julian, his husband, and their kid.
Bam. Now I need somebody to write the songs.
