The Federal Egg Answering Room
P.S. I finally made a tumblr and followed you; I hope you're happy. -Sky

Today has been a good day

Tagged a long-ass time ago by several people

So I’m going to be obnoxious and do them all in one post.  Because life is short, and I can, and I’m worth it, and [insert motivational slogan here].

First I was tagged by teabooksandlalala about books:

Rules: In a text post, list ten books that have stayed with you in some way. Don’t take but a few minutes, and don’t think too hard — they don’t have to be the “right” or “great” works, just the ones that have touched you. Tag [ten five] friends, including me, so I’ll see your list. Make sure you let your friends know you’ve tagged them.

  1. Lord of the Rings (and all associated works)
  2. Harry Potter
  3. Narnia
  4. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
  5. Tick Bite Fever by David Bennun
  6. House of the Spirits by Isabel Allende
  7. Everything Neil Gaiman Has Ever Written
  8. His Dark Materials trilogy by Philip Pullman
  9. A Swiftly Tilting Planet by Madeleine L’Engle
  10. The Martian Chronicles by Ray Bradbury

So there’s that.

Then recoveringsouthernbelle tagged me with this thing:

  • Name: Emmy
  • Nickname: Emmers (only one person in the world is allowed to call me this)
  • Birthday: March 6
  • Gender: Cis woman
  • Sexuality: aromantic heterosexual
  • Height: 5’3”
  • Time zone: eastern
  • What time and date is it there: 10/30/2014, 7:14 pm
  • Average hours of sleep I get each night: 6-8
  • OTPs:  Tara/Willow is really my only one
  • The last thing I Googled was:  Alexander Woollcott Moonlight Sonata (short story I was annotating)
  • First word that comes to mind: aftershave (????)
  • What I last said to a family member: "Aren’t you the martyr."
  • One place that makes me happy and why: My bed.  It has a temper-pedic mattress pad.  I consider any time I’m not in it a slightly sad time. 
  • How many blankets I sleep under: 1 blanket and one sheet
  • Favourite beverage: Water, or hot chocolate if it’s breakfast time
  • The last movie I watched in the cinema: Might have been the second Hobbit…wow.  It’s been a while.
  • Three things I can’t live without: pasta, dogs, proper sleep
  • Something I plan on learning: Flamenco, playing the bodhran, medieval fencing, Gaelic
  • A piece of advice for all my followers: It’s ok to suck sometimes.  You can only be your best at any given time, and because you are a person, sometimes your best is kinda shit.  It’s ok.  I still love you.
  • You have to listen to this song: I feel weird about recommending my music to people, so go watch Loca the Pug.
  • My blog(s): My active ones are this one, my everyday crap blog, and my e-portfolio.

I’m not going to tag anyone because I took forever to do this and it would feel weird.

Regarding my lack of posts to this blog: sorry.  I don’t know if I’ll be able to do one soon, but there will definitely be one for Halloween.  (And not just a picture of myself as Artemis, goddess of the hunt.)

It’s Fundraising-for-a-LGBT-documentary-that-I’m-briefly-in time!

So I live in Alabama, which is hot and sticky in the summer, grows great peaches, and is politically and socially progressive in the area of LGBT rights.  Only two of those things are true.

A team of filmmakers, which includes some personal friends of mine, is making a documentary called State and Union: Lesbian Families in the Deep South.  Here’s their info page, where you can see the trailer and stuff.  They’re relying on crowdsourcing for their funding, and have currently reached 41% of their goal with 30 days left.  

I’ve written about having lesbian parents, but this is your chance to actually hear about the issue from the mouths of said lesbians.

From their website:

In the time since we started filming, Roy Moore, the Chief Justice of the Alabama Supreme Court wrote to all 50 governors urging a Constitutional Amendment banning equal access to marriage across the US. He believes that people of the same sex marrying will bring about “the ultimate destruction of our country.” The state legislature passed a resolution supporting a ‘constitutional convention’ to ban equal access to marriage across the US, even though Alabama already has a constitutional ban.

Even though there are an estimated 100,000 LGBTQ individuals in Alabama, help from National pro-LGBTQ groups has been slow to arrive.  Indeed, Alabama receives only $0.31 in grant funding per LGBT person, compared with more than $10 per person in the Northeast.

But not all the news is bad… There is a new focus on the South, with Freedom to Marry, Family Equality Council, and Human Rights Campaign all announcing Southern Initiatives in the past year.  AND Rates of acceptance of LGBTQ issues are changing faster in the Deep South than in many other places, with more than 36% of people in Alabama now reporting a favorable view of marriage equality. While that doesn’t exactly keep pace with the rest of the country, it is a shift of 16% in less than 10 years. And we know how this change happens-  Researchers have found that familiarity breeds comfort, with knowing someone who is gay or lesbian cited as the most common reason offered for having changed one’s opinion!

We believe that hearing the stories these families tell, and being welcomed through the experience of this film into their homes and their lives, will move the needle of public opinion even further by accelerating this process. 

And the really important reason you should support this film:

There won’t be true equality for LGBTQ people in America without the south. 

So…I dunno, donate a bit and/or spread the word, hey?

Hey everybody, check out my tutoring eportfolio-in-progress!

The only thing more awkward than being an accidental witness to other people’s tragedies is being an accidental witness to other people’s tragedies while trying to take a shit.

Taking care of business in a public restroom is something we all want to get done as quickly as possible.  This was my plan, until someone walked in sniffling.

            It’s ok, I told myself uneasily.  She has a cold.  Then I heard the little “huh huh huh” noises that confirmed what I was dreading.

            I waited for her to go into a stall so I could wash my hands and get out of there without having to talk to her.  To ask what’s wrong would be too forward, and to ignore her completely would seem heartless, so it would be best to avoid an interaction altogether, because if you make a mistake, the world will explode.  This is the logic of the socially awkward. 

            My chance to escape never came, because one of her friends walked in.  What followed was a deep heart-to-heart about the crying woman’s work stress and midterm woes and family issues that she would have to deal with over spring break, all of which I clearly overheard from my position in the stall.  I have no idea who this woman is or what she looks like, but I do know that she can’t be at work right now, but she has to because she promised Owen she would take over his shift, and so she feels really exhausted but also really guilty.

            I suppose I should have tried to feel sorry for her, but all I could think was y’all need to get the fuck outta this bathroom or I am gonna be late for class.  There’s something intrinsically difficult about trying to empathize with someone while you’re on the crapper.  Or maybe I’m just a terrible person. 

            Finally the friend left and the crying woman retreated into a stall, and I was able to wash my hands and flee like the devil.  I dried my hands on my coat, because the dryer was next the stall the woman had taken, and that was a no-man’s-land as far as I was concerned.  As I left, I felt like a POW escaping from behind enemy lines, and also like kind of an idiot.  But I guess if this is the worst thing that’s happened to me today, I’m doing pretty well.

The person who runs this blog is such an asshat

The person who runs this blog is such an asshat

So one time my mom dropped her cane into an open grave.

My mom has limited mobility as a result of a severe spinal cord injury she sustained when she was sixteen.  It is difficult for her to walk without a cane, and for long distances she uses a scooter, which she enjoys cranking up to the highest speed and watching as we try and fail to keep up with her on foot.

I don’t really like to say that she “copes well” with her disability, because she’s really sort of beyond just “coping.”  I mean, she can’t walk up stairs very well and she’s not going to be running any marathons, but she still does pretty much all the things she enjoys, like gardening and kayaking and swimming laps and waterskiing (she has a custom-made ski that enables her to out-ski the rest of us with relative ease).

However, I have observed that regular use of a cane can result in some minor mishaps, such as accidentally whacking someone in the teeth, or tripping people.  And then sometimes, if she’s not watching, it falls into things like open graves.

The funeral was an aunt’s, and the service was outside.  As all the relatives were passing by the casket to pay their respects, Mom paused to peer into the crypt.  (When I asked why, she said, somewhat enigmatically, “I just sort of wanted to see what was down there.”)  She had misjudged the distance between her and the edge of the grave, and as she suddenly felt the ground give way beneath her cane, she let go in order to avoid falling with it, and it clattered to the bottom of the crypt.  Not wishing to make too much of a scene, Mom stood quietly and respectfully by the grave as two of the pallbearers retrieved her cane.

Were this an episode of Supernatural, the cane would probably gain some kind of weird power or curse or something.  Personally though, I feel that as long as Mom’s using it, any supernatural powers it had would probably go more or less unnoticed.

If I was the Bachelorette, viewing figures would skyrocket.

See, I would weed out the weak and undedicated early.  Before the dates, I would hold a series of contests, which would include:

  • dueling, with weapons of the contestant’s choice (to disarm only, I’m not a savage)
  • one day of general housework for me while I chill out and watch Buffy.  Whoever does the most thorough job wins.
  • Delivery of a Shakespeare monologue of the contestant’s choice (although I will also accept Moliere or any of the ancient Greek playwrights)
  • A reenactment of a historical event of the contestant’s choice
  • A cosplay contest
  • A social justice trivia contest.  Extra points are deducted if the contestant tries to argue about a wrong answer.
  • And the finale: JOUSTING!  Don’t tell me you wouldn’t watch that shit.

Eliminations are based on a cumulative point system, so if a contestant completely bombs one of the contests, that doesn’t necessarily take them out of the running. And then, those who are worthy shall accompany me on the following dates:

  • A masked ball
  • Shark cage diving 
  • A day the animal shelter, so as to cuddle with puppies and kitties
  • Celtic karaoke
  • Dinner at an authentic medieval mead hall (costumes optional, but recommended)
  • A tour of an archaeological site of the Bachelorette’s choice
  • A marathon of all the Lord of the Rings Extended Editions
  • Just chilling out and eating ice cream and playing Scrabble or whatever

If you say you wouldn’t watch the show if I was the Bachelorette, you are a liar.